Title: Never saw them at all (Meredith Willson) (13,700 words) Fandom: DCU (Teen Titans v1) Summary: It's just about the bravest thing Dick has ever seen Bruce do. Pairing: Dick/Roy, Bruce/Dick Rating: Adult. Content some readers may find disturbing. Notes: Thanks to Katarik for a nearly literal story seed and listening as it grew. I received encouragement and indisposable help from Jamjar, Te, and Betty's ever-vigilant beta reading skills. Dedication: For Audrey, who may enjoy it, and who deserves a lot of joy. "That is one keen bike you've got there," Speedy says when Robin gets to the Teen Titans' headquarters. He parks it, grinning. "It was one of my birthday presents. You can take it for a spin if you want." Speedy thumps him on the shoulder. "Man, I'd love to. From Batman, right?" Robin nods. "Yeah. I'm only supposed to use it on the job -- but the Titans count, too." He straightens his shoulders. "So -- what's the skinny?" The skinny is that somebody has been kidnapping kids from the drugstores around Coney Island. The Titans have to go undercover to really get a good look at what's going on without getting mobbed by kids asking for autographs, and somehow Kid Flash calls dibs on getting to pretend he and Wonder Girl are dating. Aqualad says, "If we have to really investigate this stuff for a long time, I'm taking the ones out on the end of the boardwalk so I can get a breath of water in between." That leaves Robin and Speedy wandering from drugstore to drugstore, having a few too many egg creams and malteds while they run the contents through Robin's belt kit under the table. "Nope, this one's okay too," Robin says in the third joint, and Speedy wrinkles his nose. "I didn't think I could ever get sick of milkshakes, but I don't want to finish this one." "Me neither." Robin pokes his with the straw. "We should hang out for a little while, though. Don't want to look too suspicious." Speedy pushes his milkshake away. "As long as I don't have to drink it, I'm okay." He grins. "Tell me about your bike." Robin has only had it for three days, but he's had the specs memorized since the first hour. He rattles them off and feels guilty about the way Speedy's eyes widen. He shrugs off the ccs of the engine and the horsepower like it's not exactly as neat as it is. "I -- really you can ride it when we get back." "I'm taking you up on that." Speedy shrugs and gets up. "Maybe we should go to the next place. There's nothing happening here." The way he's frowning makes Robin want to apologize even though he didn't do anything wrong. "Okay." As they walk out, a guy in a coat way too warm for the weather runs through the door and knocks into Speedy. The running guy drops a bag and it breaks. It's like being caught in the middle of a smoke bomb that tastes like malt powder. Speedy manages to miss most of it by diving out the door, but Robin gets nailed and starts coughing, then feeling dizzy. He hits his wrist communicator. "Somebody's spiking the malteds!" he says, and doubles over again to swap out his civilian clothes while he's hidden by the powder cloud in the air. "Flash -- Wonder Girl -- Aqualad -- we need you!" He can hear Speedy giving them all the address, and he comes through the doorway again at the same time as Wonder Girl and Flash. "Titans Together!" The three of them catch the man who ran into Speedy in the first place and Wonder Girl carries him over to the docks. "Who are you working for?" Robin asks him while he's hanging upside down. "I'm not sayin' nothin!" he says, though he's getting red-faced. Aqualad comes out of the water with five eels. "Maybe he needs a little encouragement." He says something in Atlantean and one of the eels crackles with electricity. "Oh jeez, okay, okay!" The man tells them where to find his boss and when. "What were you doing with all those kids?" Robin asks. "I don't know. That was my boss." Aqualad's eels sizzle again. "Really?" he asks. "I got no idea, kid!" "He's not lying," Wonder Girl says, and lays him down on the pier. "Should we let him go?" "Not yet." Robin shakes his head. "Flasher, take him back to headquarters and tie him up nice and tight there." Kid Flash grins. "You got it." He's gone in a puff of wind that stirs up the sand. Wonder Girl loops up her lasso. "Now we just have to figure out what they did with all the kids who disappeared." Speedy punches his hand into his palm. "Right. But we can't really follow them back to their secret hideout now." Aqualad says something to the eels and they disappear under the water. "Maybe if we let them capture us." "It might not be safe," Robin says. "I got a sniff of the stuff they've been putting in kids' drinks and it made me woozy." Wonder Girl frowns. "I could go with you and wait until you got a drink of the nasty stuff, and pretend I'd had some too -- and then smack them, when they did whatever it is they do." Robin grins. "I'd trust you at my back any day." Speedy squeezes Wonder Girl's shoulder. "I know you could tie anybody into a bow, Wonder Babe, but if the stuff gets you, too, you guys shouldn't be alone." She nods. "You're right." The problem with this theory is that even though Speedy's right, it means Robin has to look at another set of milkshakes and actually drink some of them. Wonder Girl and Speedy are pretending, but he's  waiting for the drugs that have to be in at least a few of the malteds to kick in. "So," Wonder Girl says, and kicks her feet against the stool she's sitting on. "I guess we have to talk about normal stuff." Robin smiles into his malted and thinks about what Batman has said about Wonder Woman -- what a good ally she is, and what a terrible actress she is, too. "It would help. Sooner or later I'm going to fall asleep, but until then -- yes." The relative merits of <i>Abbey Road</i> and <i>Sgt. Pepper</i> sustain them for the first two drugstores, but Robin's still on his feet when they head for the third, and it's hard to come up with stuff to talk about that Wonder Girl really knows. They don't have television on Paradise Island, and Robin doesn't have time to watch it much, either. None of them have been to the movies for months. "You just had a birthday, right?" Speedy says when they're on their third round of milkshakes. Robin sips his and wrinkles his nose. It's a little bitter. Most people probably wouldn't notice, but he's spent a lot of time working with Batman on learning how to notice poisons and drugs mixed in with other things. It's saved his life more than once. "Just pretend -- I think these are what we're looking for." They nod. Wonder Girl turns her glass in its circle of gathering moisture. "Did you have a birthday party?" "The Penguin got out that night," Robin says, shrugging. "It was a lot of fun, anyway." "And you got a great bike." Speedy tips his milkshake back and forth. "Anything else?" Robin yawns and wonders if it's the drug taking effect already. "Sweaters. And some books. And socks, from Alfred." His friends at school laughed at that, but Wonder Girl only wears socks undercover and Speedy doesn't have grandparents who give him underwear at Christmas like most guys do. They just smile. "No fun things?" Wonder Girl asks. "The motorcycle." Robin braces his feet on the footrest of the stool and yawns again. "Oh, and a rose." "Oh!" she says, grinning. "That's so sweet. What a romantic present!" It's the last thing Robin hears before he passes out at the counter. He comes around again to a really solid, meaty thump, like the sound of somebody's body hitting a wooden floor, and sits up. His head is throbbing and there are a bunch of unconscious kids there, plus a man curled up around his stomach and Wonder Girl looking like she could take on another hundred just like him. "You okay?" Speedy asks. He kneels down next to Robin. "Yes." Robin reminds himself not to nod. "Did you call Flash and Aqualad?" "Yep." Speedy glares at the man whimpering on the floor. "Apparently these guys wanted to take kids to Indonesia and -- and I don't even know what, but it doesn't sound good. The police are on their way." Robin smiles and gets up, but his knees give out and he ends up leaning on Speedy. "Great job, you guys." "If we hadn't known when to play dead, we couldn't have done it. Let's get you out of here, buddy." Getting back to Titans HQ is a lot easier with Wonder Girl there to give Robin a lift. He's still too dizzy from the drugs to risk driving unless he really had to. It's also a treat to get to spend some time in the air with her, even though he's too loopy to really focus much. By the time they get back, his head has mostly cleared up, but he decides to wait another hour or so before he goes home. He has files to read and some exercises to do once everybody else leaves, and he puts on some music so it's not really lonely. He's halfway through the third set of one-handed pushups when he remembers what Wonder Girl said about his birthday present and starts laughing. She must have thought somebody had given him a bouquet, but he's only ever gotten that kind of flowers from people who were glad Robin saved them. For his actual birthday, Bruce had given him a rosebush with bright red-and-yellow flowers and light green stems. Bruce could have just seen it someplace and decided that it would be a good present, but Dick's never seen flowers anywhere that were exactly those shades, not together. A really lucky find, then. It just seems funny that Wonder Girl thought of it as a romantic gesture. Robin shakes his head and does another set of push-ups. "Hey," somebody says, and Robin rolls up into a defensive stance before he realizes it's Speedy. Speedy -- in his street clothes, so Roy, really -- backs up a couple of steps. "Whoa, sorry." Robin relaxes and drops his hands. "You just startled me." He takes his mask off. "I thought everybody went home." Roy shrugs. "Everybody else. Wonder Woman came and got Wonder Babe, Kid Flash went in a big cloud of dust, and I think there was a killer whale who wanted to talk to Aqualad, but -- I don't have anywhere to be yet, and you were kind of under the weather earlier." "Thanks." Dick grabs a towel and wipes his face. "I think I'm okay now, honest." "You sure?" Roy punches him in the shoulder. "I mean, everybody else has strength and speed and stuff, but you just go in there like you're Superman or something." "I really don't." Dick laughs. "Superman flies better than I do." Roy shakes his head and waves this away. "I mean, when you passed out and just plain didn't wake up when that guy grabbed you, I was really --" Dick's not paying enough attention, though he sees Roy's gaze flicker over his face and him biting his lip quickly. "I'm okay," he says again. Roy kisses him -- quick, and then he backs off, like he wasn't expecting to do it at all and can't believe he managed it. "I." His eyes are wide. "Sorry. I just -- gosh, I was so worried." The only thing Dick can think of to do is to say, "I'm not Sleeping Beauty," and laugh. "I gotta go," Roy says, and he backs up until he trips over one of the free weights on the floor. There has got to be something Dick can say to make what Roy just did seem less queer, but he's darned if he can figure out what. "Wait," he says, and tries to come up with any reason why Roy should listen at all. Roy's blushing as red as his uniform and staring at the floor. "I said I'm sorry, Robin." It's not like the time Peggy Sue Jenkins kissed him on New Year's Eve. She wasn't anywhere near this embarrassed, and it didn't matter half so much if she had been. "You don't have to be sorry." Dick clears his throat and glances between Roy and the door. If he bolts, Roy can easily get out before Dick can tackle him unless he really wants to land on the dumbbells. He feels like he maybe belongs in a pile of dumbbells right now, but he might as well avoid proving it if he can. "Green Arrow's going to wonder where I am," Roy says, and looks at the door. "Do you have a -- a crush on me?" Dick asks. The question makes Roy blush again. "No! No. I just." He's staring at the floor so hard he doesn't even hear Dick sneaking a couple of steps over, and when people avoid the eyes of the person asking them questions, it usually means they're lying. "I didn't mean to." Dick touches his shoulder and he jerks his head up. "Oh jeez. I'm sorry." His eyes are a little wide -- he's scared, really scared, and sweating with it like anything in the headquarters could hurt him. His hair is going every which way and he's almost the color of his bright red eyebrows. He doesn't look a thing like Cary Grant, and his nose is too much Roy to be Rock Hudson, but maybe at the right angle there are girls who'd say he's dreamy. Dick's not sure about dreamy, but he looks like he's terrified, and it's Robin's job to stop people from being scared. Plus, it's Roy, and they're friends. Kissing him is a lot less scary than it feels like it should be. From all the stuff he's read about what happens when boys like men, it sounds like the world should come crashing in on their heads. All that happens is that Roy tastes salty like sweat. Roy gasps, and when his mouth opens he pulls away. "Oh jeez." Dick's heart is pounding so hard he can hear every beat. "I kind of want --" Roy stares at him. "What'd you do that for?" "To find out what it was like." Dick touches his shoulder. Roy is shaking. "It's okay, isn't it?" "You're not mad?" Roy laughs like he can't believe it. "Really?" He's not sure why anybody would be, but if they think it's supposed to end the world, then maybe it would be a problem. "It's okay." Dick is still waiting for the floor to drop out from under them, but it still feels nice and solid. "Maybe we could do it again." Roy kisses him again and this time it's a French kiss. It feels wet and slippery and plain old weird to have somebody's tongue in his mouth for a second before it feels good enough to make him shiver. The floor still isn't falling, but his stomach feels like it is, and he squeezes Roy's shoulder and then hugs him. "I didn't think you'd --" Roy says, and laughs, and kisses him again, all so fast Dick can't think of anything to say back. When he needs a deep breath, he turns his face away and kisses Roy's cheek to let him know he's not mad, just dizzy. "I really like kissing you." It's definitely the most fun he's had kissing anybody, but Roy's the only person he's tried it with who was a friend, not just a girl who sort of liked him. "I never thought you'd really want to." Roy kisses his cheek, too. "I didn't think it would feel that good, either." It's making Dick pretty embarrassingly excited, but now he can breathe evenly again, it's a little easier to ignore. "I never thought about it, I guess, but it's --" It's a lot easier to kiss him again than come up with an explanation of why his hands are getting sweaty, and how come it's not a good idea to hug Roy right now. Roy shifts his weight and leans on Dick just a little too much at the wrong angle. He lets go a second later and breaks the next kiss off. "I --" All the girls who Dick has kissed have either pretended he didn't get aroused or laughed at him for it. He could never figure out whether they felt the same way, but Roy's as obvious as he is. He's not about to tease somebody for a problem he's having, too. "Everything's okay," he says, and the only way he can think of to make his point obvious enough that Roy won't run away again is to lean against him and tuck his hand down Roy's pants. Roy chokes against the next kiss and starts laughing. "I -- oh, wow." He squeezes Dick's butt. "See, there you go taking point again." He feels sweaty and hard and jittery, but the ceiling still hasn't broken, so Dick grins. "Only 'cause you were hanging back." "If you gave me a signal, I'd have been right there with you." Roy gropes him through his shorts, then pushes them down enough to squeeze him right back. "I'll remember," Dick says, and then he can't say anything because he's gasping. If he didn't know better, he'd figure the drugs from the milkshakes were still working, but he was fine five minutes ago. Now he's breathless and feeling like if he didn't have Roy to hold on to, he'd fall over. "You -- you feel --" Roy groans and bites Dick's lower lip. "If -- jeez, Dick -- if I feel half as good as you do --" "I don't know, just -- don't stop." Dick kisses him again and pushes into his fist, which makes Roy speed up. He's too warm and sweaty, and it all feels so good he can't focus on one part of it, on Roy's fingers or kissing him or anything. "I -- oh --" and if he could slow down, maybe he wouldn't be climaxing and shuddering right now. Roy just kisses him harder when he does, and then he groans and climaxes, too, all over Dick's hand. It feels like it should be a lot more gross than it actually is. Dick stares at him while his head clears a little bit. "Wow." Roy stares right back, his blue eyes wide. "Yeah, um --" "Did we just --" Dick laughs. "I think we just got, um, laid." Roy coughs and splutters, turning red again. "I guess. Kind of." "Kind of really." Dick pulls his hand away and wrinkles his nose. "I'd better go take a shower." "Yeah." Roy lets him go and shrugs, looking away from him. "That would -- yeah." "Hey." Dick nudges him with his shoulder. "We're okay, right?" Roy frowns. "I guess." Maybe the ceiling fell in more in some places than others. Roy looks like something went wrong, but the only thing that's gone wrong is that he looks that way. "Unless you don't want to be friends with me because I'm a -- a fairy," Dick says, really softly. It's true, he guesses, but he doesn't feel any different than an hour ago. Roy stares at him when he says it. "But -- I kissed you first. It's my fault." Roy shakes his head. "You just -- I don't know." "I liked it when you did it, so maybe we're both fairies." It still seems weird to use that word for them. He'd like to see anybody try and take either of them in a fistfight or any other time, even a couple of big guys. "Or maybe everything's going to be okay." He grins at Roy. "Come on, I have to go change and get home." "You're not, though," Roy says. "And anyway, I still think Donna's cute." Dick punches him with his clean hand. "So you're not either. Race you to the shower." He's still not sure what it really means that he's a fairy, now, even by the time they get dressed and Roy kisses him on the cheek and goes home. Maybe he'll never get married, and maybe girls will stop looking so pretty now he knows. But Bruce isn't married, either, so that doesn't seem so bad. It would be terrible if it meant he wasn't going to be normal, though, as normal as he can be when he spends his nights fighting crime. He knows Roy's busy, and he figures it would just mean they were both worrying about it, so he doesn't call him to ask how he's been dealing since he figured out what was going on. Instead, he thinks about how he can ask Bruce without explaining exactly what he's worried about. Bruce has friends who are all kinds of bizarre, but he might be mad if he found out, anyway. It takes Dick a few days to be sure of what to say. "My friend was wondering" is a bad way to start because Bruce would want to know which of Dick's friends it was, and it wouldn't be fair to Roy to tell. Green Arrow probably doesn't know, and Bruce might tell if he knew. Dick could make up a different friend -- one from school, maybe -- and give him this problem, but lying to Bruce is maybe even stupider than just explaining exactly what happened. He makes up a conversation instead and brings it up while they're on a stakeout. "I was talking to one of my friends the other day and I was wondering what you'd say about it," he says. Bruce nods. "What were you discussing?" "He was saying how sometimes there are guys who -- fall in love, I guess you'd say, with other guys, and they're fairies, right?" Dick can feel his pulse racing like he's about to get into a fight even though he hasn't said anything about himself yet. Maybe being a coward about this is another sign he really isn't normal. "But we were wondering if maybe there are guys who fall in love with guys, but also with girls, and if they're as weird." He's glad it's one in the morning, and that all the streetlights are pointing away from him. He's also completely sure he's blushing and that Bruce can tell. "In the first place, the medical community uses the term 'homosexual,'" Bruce says, "and while it's technically a psychological disorder, there are many homosexuals who live as happily as anybody else." Dick lets out his breath and then stretches, trying to pretend that's why he was sighing in relief. "Oh. Do you know a lot of people who are -- homosexual?" "A few." He really wants to know who Bruce is thinking of, and if Dick has met any of them. He's not sure how to tell if somebody is homosexual, and it's gotten a lot more confusing since he figured out he was, too. The guys at school have always said you can spot a fairy because he wears dresses and talks funny, but he's never seen Roy in a dress, and he's only ever worn them for undercover stuff, not for fun. "Oh," he says. "Huh." "As for whether some men are interested in both sexes -- it's more common than most people think." Bruce puts his hand on Dick's shoulder. "Movement in the third story window." There's work to do, and if Bruce knows homosexual people and probably people who like both men and women -- everything is okay for the moment. "Do we go in?" Dick asks, putting away the worrying for the moment. There's a gunshot. "Yes." When Dick gets to be Robin and knock out a big guy with a gun who's trying to get money from a pretty lady, he feels like he's on top of the world. The lady says, "Thank you!" and kisses his cheek, and he can't help grinning. He's been too scared to think about girls for almost a week. They get the thug all trussed up for Commissioner Gordon and leave him on the roof of the police department before they finish their patrol and go home. In the privacy of the Batmobile, Bruce asks, "Did I answer your questions sufficiently, earlier?" Dick starts blushing again at just the mention of the subject and tightens one of his hands into a fist to distract himself. "I guess. Is there a, a word for somebody who likes guys and girls, both?" "The clinical term is 'bisexual.'" It sounds a lot better than 'fairy.' "I -- think that's just about it," Dick says, and makes himself smile. "Thanks." Bruce says, "You're welcome," and it's companionably quiet for a few blocks. When they cross Dixon, though, he says, "If your friend is worried, you should reassure him that reputable psychologists have found that homosexuals are just as mentally healthy as heterosexuals." Dick bites his lip and thinks about all the times Roy has flirted with Donna. "I don't have any, um, homosexual friends." Bruce doesn't say anything for another block. "If the situation ever arises, then," he says, and Dick turns to look at him. Usually, Bruce doesn't say anything unless it's necessary, and he says it all at once to get it over with. The way he's acting now, Dick can tell there's something really bothering him. He hates the discussion they've been having as much as Dick hated bringing it up in the first place. "I mean," Dick says, watching the corners of his mouth, "I don't have any friends who've told me they're homosexual. Or bisexual," he adds, because Roy didn't tell him anything like that at all. Bruce presses his lips together a little harder. "It's probable that one will at some point." Dick frowns and weighs his options. Bruce can't run away from the discussion right now, but it's probably not a good idea to scare him when he's driving. But if Dick waits, it'll be even harder to bring this whole mess up again later. Besides, the way Bruce's jaw is set makes him think there's something bothering him. It still takes a good minute for Dick to get it together to say, "Are you? Bisexual, I mean?" Bruce doesn't even pause a second before he says, "Yes." It's just about the bravest thing Dick has ever seen him do. "Okay." He leans back in his seat and smiles. "That's okay." He wishes he'd brought this all up as soon as he got back from Titans Headquarters the first time so he could stop worrying about it then. "Is it?" He can hear Bruce relax a little by the shift of his cape. "Well, yeah." Dick shrugs and grins at him. "You're my best friend, Bruce. Why wouldn't it be okay?" "People can be -- irrational -- about this subject." Bruce reaches over and pats his knee. It seems like it's only fair for Dick to say, "I kind of think I might be, too," even though he's not sure how to explain it without mentioning Roy, and he still doesn't think that would be fair. "Ah." Bruce nods. Dick laughs and shakes his head. Sometimes living with Bruce is the best thing ever, but sometimes he feels like it would be nice to deal with somebody who wasn't such a great detective. "I only just figured it out. Was it obvious?" "I wasn't certain until you raised the subject." Dick blushes and makes a note not to bring it up with anybody else unless he really wants to tell them why. "I guess that was pretty much a dead giveaway, huh." "Generally speaking, yes, though in the absence of other clues, it might be a faulty conclusion." They reach the tunnel into the cave and then they're home. There is no reason in the world why Dick shouldn't cartwheel out of the car, and he feels so good he does it. It turns into a full tumbling run because the stress knot in his left shoulder is finally gone and he can manage a double backflip and stick the landing to grin at Bruce. "Thanks," he calls back. "Do you want me to write the report?" "On the stakeout, at least." Bruce comes over to where he's standing near all of their files and pushes his cowl back. "We can omit the later discussion." Dick laughs and wonders how many people really get Bruce's jokes when he's not playing stupid. He picks up a stack of blank paper. "Of course. That part was private." "Precisely," Bruce says, and puts his arm around Dick's shoulders. He looks like he's still worried about something. "Bruce?" Dick asks. Bruce kisses him and he gets it -- all of it, especially the parts he should have gotten earlier about the way Bruce was hesitating, and glancing at him, and how relieved he was when Dick didn't get upset at all. He also gets that Donna was right about the rose after all, and that makes him want to laugh. He's pretty sure that he qualifies as the worst detective in the history of detectives for not knowing his own partner better than this. He kisses Bruce lightly and turns his head. "I'm really dumb, huh," he says. Bruce hugs him so tightly he can hardly breathe. "Never." He lets Dick go enough that he could get away if he wanted to -- if he got half enough hugs to be willing to stop this one -- and asks, "Are you all right?" Dick's sure it doesn't count as cheating on somebody unless you're dating them, and that he's not dating Roy, so it's not like they're doing anything wrong. He's also kind of afraid to talk to anybody else he knows -- who knows who's going to try to kiss him next? "Hundred percent," he says, and hugs Bruce back. "You just surprised me." "Are you uncomfortable?" Bruce asks. "I'm fine." He has to reach up a lot more to kiss Bruce than he did to kiss Roy, and even just doing that makes him have to let go more than he wants to. This feels a lot safer -- he's home, he knows he's not going to develop a lisp, and Bruce is sure not going to get mad at him for any of it. The only confusing thing is that Bruce is kissing him like Dick's going to run away, still. "Are you okay?" Dick asks. Now that he's wondering, he can see how flushed Bruce's cheeks are. "More than usual." He smiles, but his eyes are a little glazed. "It's been a long time since I've had a friend who really -- understood." Dick is still trying to understand, but he's more than willing to keep trying until he honestly gets it. "I'll do my best." He hugs Bruce more tightly. Bruce sighs, and it feels too good to be a sad sigh. "I know you will," he says, and he kisses Dick's forehead. It feels ticklish and kind of silly. Dick looks up at him. "Maybe it would be easier if we were sitting down." "Later," Bruce says, and kisses him again. There's still something shy about it, like Bruce thinks he's about to run or call it all off. Dick hums against his mouth and nibbles on his lower lip. Bruce shivers like he's been electrocuted and the shyness goes away as fast as he can tangle the fingers of both his hands in Dick's hair and kiss him hard. Nobody's supposed to touch anyone who's touching a live wire. Dick gasps and finds a different balance so he can stay on his feet. He can't get enough breath to do anything but whimper after a while, and his lips are sore, but they feel so good he doesn't care. Bruce unfastens his cape for him and breaks off the kiss. "You need to shower," he says, and he sounds almost like this is a normal night, except his voice is low enough to be Batman's. Dick's hands are shaking, and so are his knees and ankles and pretty much the rest of him. "Probably a good idea." His shaky brain jumps ahead and reminds him Bruce needs to shower, too, and he knows exactly what Bruce looks like naked. He hasn't really stared, but he knows, and even the memory -- Bruce isn't any dreamier than Roy, even though they look completely different. He's handsome instead, and strong. Dick makes himself open his eyes and unfasten his tunic so he doesn't get too caught up in what isn't real yet, especially if it's about to be. "Are you coming with me?" He really doesn't mean 'kiss me again,' but Bruce apparently thinks he does, and it's just as thorough as the last one. "If you don't mind." If Bruce does that again, he might have to help Dick walk over, but Dick's not going to say that. "I -- it's okay, sure." It's like the permission makes something give in Dick's time sense. Dick knows perfectly well he can get out of his uniform and into the shower in under a minute without help, and that Bruce is faster than he is. Somehow with Bruce helping him and his hands getting in the way and he's going to have to find his left boot tomorrow, they're under the spray in what Dick's sure is twenty seconds flat. Apparently that's still too long between kisses for Bruce, who's more or less holding Dick up by his shoulder -- his knees will stop trembling sometime after he gets used to this -- and with an arm around his waist. The shower really is a good idea. They both smell like they've been working hard and sweating harder. It's just next to impossible to even try to figure out where the soap is while Bruce is making it entirely impossible to breathe. Dick breaks the kiss, laughing. "We should get clean. Really." "Yes." Bruce strokes his hair and doesn't let him go. "That would be something of an improvement." Now that he can think, Dick can also find the soap just behind him to his left. "This might help." Bruce takes it when Dick holds it up. "It would, yes." He spins the soap in his hand. "Turn around." It's too much like a terrible joke Dick heard once. Dick stares at him and can't make himself move, even though he's almost entirely sure Bruce is still really Bruce and not going to do anything scary. "I --" Bruce stares at him like he actually told the joke, then shakes his head. "Your back is as sweaty as the rest of you." Dick knows he's blushing. The easiest way to hide his face is to turn around like Bruce wants him to. It gives him a chance to catch his breath, which is a plus, and having somebody else wash his back feels better than he'd expected. "I can do this for you, too," Dick offers. Bruce kisses his neck and he loses his breath again. "All right." "You never asked before, that's all," Dick says, leaning into the touch a little. "It's relatively inefficient." Bruce kisses the top of his ear, then sucks his earlobe. It feels so good Dick moans. The echo startles him as much as the feeling, and he pulls away. "I -- sorry." Bruce catches him by the shoulder and says, "Look at me," halfway between normal voice and command voice. He kisses Dick's cheek. "This -- isn't acceptable behavior in many places, but we're safe here." This is the only permanent building Dick has ever felt entirely safe in, and the longer he stays, the more that's true. "I know," Dick says, and hugs him. It feels a lot different when they're both naked, and a lot more like sex. "I just -- it sounded weird." "It's all right," Bruce says, and he smiles. "Whatever you want is all right." Dick is almost entirely sure there are limits on that statement, but his imagination is supplying silly suggestions anyway. A lifetime supply of chocolate bars wouldn't do anything to make them better in the field, season tickets to the Knights' games would end up more than half wasted, and any other day, he might ask for a hug, but he's got that now. He smiles instead of letting any of the goofiness make it into words. "Let me wash your back." The scars on Bruce's back make it a lot more complicated than anybody else's, but pretty much everything about Bruce is more complicated than everybody else. Dick does the job with his fingers and avoids the greeny old bruise high on his right shoulder. The bright purple on his right side is more disturbing. He touches just below it and says, "Did you fall wrong?" "The third man, yesterday," Bruce says, shrugging. "The one in the orange facepaint was a little faster than the others." "Nothing broken, though." Dick's still learning how to tell by touch without hurting the person he's examining, but he's sure this time. "No, it will be fine." Bruce takes his hand and pulls him into another warm, wet hug. Dick puts his hand on Bruce's lower back carefully, avoiding the new bruise. "I know. It's just pretty scary right now." Bruce kisses him lightly. "You need to wash your hair." Dick laughs and leans on his chest to listen to his heart for a few seconds. "I'll get there." Bruce sighs and makes a humming sound that makes Dick's ear tingle. He looks up and lets Bruce go. "Okay, I'll do it now." "I wasn't complaining." Bruce smiles at him. "Though we should get out of the shower in the not terribly distant future." "Give me two minutes," Dick says, but he's not budgeting for Bruce kissing him again when he says it, or how much he wants to just keep doing that until the shower runs out of water. Maybe until the river runs out of water. "Okay," he says, eventually. "Three minutes." It's more like five before Bruce turns off the water and hands him a towel, then dries himself off. Somehow, he looks more naked with a towel around his neck than without it, as if it's there to remind everybody he's not wearing anything else. Normally, the bathrobe he puts on instead would help, but Dick keeps thinking about what he's not wearing under it. Also, putting on a robe means going upstairs. Dick adjusts the tie on his and asks, "Where are we going to go?" Bruce raises his eyebrows. "It's quite late." Dick bites his lip. "Yes, I know, bedtime," even though he's never had one here, and wouldn't have one now even so. "Just -- where?" This is messier than that time with Roy in part because so much could fall apart if something goes strangely. He doesn't even want to think about running into Alfred on the way upstairs, though Alfred has known Bruce his whole life and probably knows about this, too. "My bed is somewhat more commodious," Bruce says, and Dick has to look away from him for a second. The thought of doing anything at all in Bruce's bed makes this even more real than it's been so far, and he can't stop himself from shivering. "Unless you'd rather not," Bruce adds. "That's not it." Dick grins at him and ignores the way his knees are shaking again. "It's just I keep expecting to wake up." He thinks Bruce will probably laugh at this, but he doesn't even smile. "It's all right, Dick," he says, so solemnly that Dick almost laughs at him just to break the mood. "This is -- real." The hesitation before the last word is tiny, but Dick is used to listening to Bruce talk about anything and everything. It's reassuring to know he's not positive all the time, either. "Of course it is," Dick says, and kisses him. "Okay. Let's -- let's go to bed." He manages to walk pretty normally up the stairs and through the halls, though he's braced all the time to run into Alfred and have to say something or other that's pleasant and normal, and he can't think what that would be. He stops by the door to his bedroom and Bruce glances at him. Something changes in his expression, a hint of tension around his eyes, and he nods. "Goodnight, then." "No," Dick hisses, and glances both ways before he reaches out to take Bruce's hand. "I just -- I wanted to be sure you meant it." "As much as anything." Bruce opens the door to his own room and backs in, pulling Dick after himself as if they're playing or doing some wild dance. The door closes soundlessly behind them and Bruce's room is perfectly dark. Dick squeezes his hand and lets him go. He's been in here more than enough times to find the bedside lamp and turn it on. The golden light makes everything seem more probable. "Well," he says, and he can't think of a useful way to end the sentence. Bruce is staring at him like something important has changed in the last ten seconds. Dick smiles at him. "I'm right here, Bruce. Kiss me?" He's expecting Bruce to be fierce, and looking forward to it. The light brush of lips isn't really enough, so he catches the tie of Bruce's robe and tugs him down until they're both sitting on the bed. "No, really kiss me this time." Bruce smiles back and kisses him so hard his lips start tingling again. "Like that, then?" "Yes, I --" Dick laughs. "Like that." "Hmm." Bruce takes his hand again and kisses the back, then Dick's fingers, so lightly it tickles. Dick frowns, trying to figure out why anybody would do that. "What --" Bruce licks the tip of his thumb, then sucks it, and Dick has to cover his mouth not to shout in surprise at how good it feels. "Wow, I -- I didn't know -- oh gosh --" Bruce nibbles his thumb, then lets his hand go. "I would hope I can surprise you for a little while yet." "You really can." Dick grins at him. "Kiss me again?" Bruce unties Dick's robe and kisses his neck. "Ah," he says, and Dick shivers. "Was that insufficient?" Dick laughs and squeezes Bruce's thigh. "I don't know. Show me how it could be better." Bruce pushes the covers back and pats the pillow. "Lie down," he says, and his voice is so soft it's nearly a request, not a suggestion. Dick does it and tries to ignore the way his robe falls open when he does. He isn't any more naked here than he was in the shower. It just feels different when Bruce's sheets are cool against his calves. "Aren't you going to, too?" "Later." Bruce kisses his shoulder, then licks the same place and sucks there for a second, long enough that Dick remembers somebody talking about giving a girl a hickey, and then the pressure is gone, and all that's left is another shiver. "For now --" Bruce kisses his nipple, and that feels like it should be a silly waste of time until he licks it. "Oh --" Dick stares at him and tries to keep his eyes open. He's not sure he's ever caught Bruce watching him this closely unless he was seriously injured. He's the complete opposite of injured, now, and Bruce is smiling and sucking his nipple. He has to know it will make Dick's back arch and make him have to close his eyes. "Oh, Bruce," he manages, on one breath, and on the next, he says what he's been sure of for years but not really allowed to say. "I love you." Bruce hugs him a second later with enough of his weight on Dick that it's going to get really uncomfortable very quickly. "Dick," he says, and he doesn't have to keep going -- it's all right there in his eyes, and Dick can see it now. He wonders just how long it's been there like that. He knows Bruce loves him like a best friend, and a partner, but this is different and right now it's a lot more important. "It's okay," Dick says, because he's so bad a detective he missed it before, but he's not stupid enough to miss it now. "I know." "There's nothing to be afraid of." Bruce kisses Dick's temple, and his breath is warm on Dick's ear. "I love you, too," he says, so close it's like another hug. Dick shivers and hugs him back as hard as he can. "Is this still real?" Bruce moves away enough for him to get a good deep breath and raises his eyebrows at Dick. "If it's not, it's going to be a very bad morning." It shouldn't be as funny as it is, but they've both had enough bad mornings that Dick can't help laughing, and Bruce is smiling enough when he gets hold of himself that he starts again. He makes himself sober up by kissing Bruce, and then he hasn't got enough breath left to do more than snicker. He doesn't particularly want to, either. "Can -- May I sleep here tonight?" Bruce takes his hand again and squeezes it painfully tight. "Please do." Dick grins at him. "Thanks." "You're always welcome." Bruce kisses him again, then licks his nipple. "I -- is it supposed to feel that good?" Dick asks. "I just -- wow." "You've spent enough time learning to guard your chest against that kind of directed strike." Bruce bites him so lightly it hardly even counts and Dick covers his mouth, trying not to shout. "There are some benefits." Dick shivers and runs his fingers through Bruce's hair. "Do you like that, too?" He smiles. "Perhaps not quite as much as you seem to, but -- yes." "Can I see?" Dick sits up and reaches for him. Bruce hesitates for a breath, then nods. "Anything you want." This 'anything' sounds even more expansive than the last one. Dick unties Bruce's robe and pulls it open. Dick runs his hand over Bruce's chest, traces the scars that pucker his skin, and licks his nipple. He tastes a little salty, even though they just got out of the shower, and he sighs. "Huh," Dick says, and wrinkles his nose at Bruce. "I guess you're so used to it, it doesn't make you react that much." "That's part of it." Bruce shrugs. "Some scarring, some loss of sensitivity." "Everywhere?" Dick asks, brushing Bruce's erection lightly with his fingers. Bruce hisses gratifyingly. "Not everywhere." Dick grins. "I was worried about you for a minute there." He  squeezes lightly and Bruce groans and puts a hand on his wrist. "I wasn't done," he says. Dick blinks at him. "Neither am I." He tilts his head up to kiss Bruce again. "Do you want me to stop?" It's not fair to ask that while he's running his thumb over the head of Bruce's penis, but he doesn't want to stop, and Bruce never plays fair when he's testing Dick's boundaries, either. Besides, he never gets to make Bruce gasp and say, "Keep going," and he doesn't want to give up the opportunity right now. "You got it." Dick leans against him and feels him shivering. "You feel really good," he says, and he's surprised that it's true, but it really is. Bruce is reassuringly real and solid in his hand, warm and strong. Bruce laughs deep in his chest, and kisses Dick again. "Let me --" Bruce says, and pats Dick's thigh. "Anything," Dick says and kisses him, grinning, but he's not sure Bruce really gets the joke. "I --" He knows exactly how good Bruce is with his hands when they're doing anything that means he has to use them forcefully, and he knows how good Bruce is at detail work, too. It's just that when you put those two skill sets together and apply them to sex, he runs out of words for how good it feels. He's been being consciously patient for a while in case Bruce decided this wasn't going to work. Now his hips are jerking at the first squeeze and he's on the edge of losing his rhythm. "Oh, wow." He bites his lip hard and says, "I know I'm usually okay with doing two things at once, and I don't want you to stop at all, but -- I --" He wasn't half this stupid when Roy kissed him, but Bruce has been teasing him for what feels like hours now. "It's all right. I can wait a moment," Bruce says, and doesn't let him go. Dick whimpers and buries his face in Bruce's chest. "I wanted --" "Soon." Bruce squeezes his shoulder. "Kiss me again." It's a relief to do it because he doesn't have to hear himself as clearly, but it makes everything that much more present. Bruce's tongue in his mouth feels like sex as much as his hands do. Dick is pretty sure that he's supposed to make this last as long as he can manage, but all he can do is hope that Bruce counts all the time from that first kiss into the tally. He can't make himself be quiet or hold still, and every time he moves, Bruce makes everything the kind of better that makes it all worse. Dick breaks the kiss off because he hasn't had a full breath in what feels like ages but can't be more than minutes and says, "You're playing dirty -- Bruce, I --" and has to bite his lip again because it's either that or yell in Bruce's face while he comes in his hand.  Dick leans on him and laughs while he gets his breath back. "As soon as I can feel my toes, I'll get you for that." "That doesn't make an effective threat," Bruce says, and kisses his forehead. "Sit up a moment." He grabs tissues from the nightstand and wipes his hands. "Your cheeks are flushed." "I bet you can guess why, too." Dick laughs and reaches for him again. "Are you going to distract me this time?" "Do you want me to?" Bruce asks in his ear. His breath sends shivers down Dick's spine. "Not right now." He pats Bruce's thigh, then strokes his erection again. "I like, well, listening to you." "Mm." Bruce sighs and pushes into his hand a tiny bit. "And if I asked you to kiss me?" Dick is sure his lips are going to sting tomorrow -- they already hurt a little -- but there's just no way he can say no to that question, even by hesitating a second. "Whenever you want me to." Bruce makes a noise somewhere between a laugh and a groan. "Always, but it might be --" "I know," Dick says, and squeezes him a little harder. Bruce shouldn't have to think about the places where this isn't safe, not right now. "Don't worry." "I'm not." Bruce smiles at him. He looks like someone drugged him -- like he's not entirely focusing, and like he doesn't mind at all. "Ah -- Dick --" Dick kisses him again and hits a better rhythm. "I've got you," he says, and he leans on Bruce. He probably can't make him feel safe just by being there and strong, but it's worth a try. "Everything's okay." Bruce groans and thrusts into his fist. He's leaning against Dick, too, so maybe it's helping. He squeezes Dick's shoulder hard and gasps like he just got kicked in the stomach, twice. When he does it the second time, he shudders all over and climaxes, getting Dick's hand pretty sticky. He can tell when Bruce starts thinking again because he starts breathing again and lets Dick's shoulder go. "I'm sorry," he says. It's so infrequent that Bruce apologizes for anything that Dick stares at him. "For what?" Bruce pats his shoulder. "It may bruise." Dick shakes his head and laughs. "My whole mouth is pretty much going to bruise. I can deal with my shoulder." "Really?" Bruce frowns at him. "Maybe not." Dick shrugs, grabs a tissue to wipe his hands, and smiles even though it hurts a little. "But I'd rather kiss you another hundred times than worry about it." It might have been the wrong thing to say. Bruce stares at him for a few seconds, then shakes his head. "You are --" he pauses again, and Dick is expecting something like "not going to kiss me again until you're all the way healed." Bruce says, "-- the best partner I can imagine having." "Oh -- oh, jeez, Bruce." Dick hugs him tightly. "Me too -- I mean, so are you." Bruce hugs him back and Dick lets himself relax. He could fall asleep just like this, never mind that the light's on and they're on top of the covers. "You never fail to surpass my expectations," Bruce says. Dick shakes his head and looks up at him. "I have sometimes. I -- I'm not always good enough." "That's not mutually exclusive." Bruce kisses his forehead. "You are always better than I expect you to be, but sometimes -- no one could be good enough." He smiles. "In this, though -- you excel." "It's not that hard." Dick blushes. Bruce raises his eyebrows. "Not for you, no." He touches Dick's cheek. "Are you ready to sleep?" If he stays awake much longer, he's going to want to try things he might not be so good at, and it is pretty late at night to learn new skills. He pushes his bathrobe off his shoulders and over the edge of the bed. "Sure, if you are." Bruce tosses the two clots of tissues into the trash, takes off his robe, and turns the light off. "Goodnight, Dick." Dick gets under the covers and hugs him again. Bruce is very warm, and there's just no point in sharing a bed if they're not going to touch each other. After a few seconds, Bruce puts his arm around Dick and spreads his hand on Dick's lower back. "Goodnight." He knows Bruce has nightmares, and he does sometimes, too, but nothing wakes him up until morning. Bruce is awake as soon as he is, or maybe earlier. "Oh, good," Dick says, and hugs him a little more tightly. "The morning?" Bruce asks. "It was real." Dick lets go enough to grin at him. "All of it was." "Yes." Bruce pats his shoulder. "You'd better get to school." Dick sighs, but it's mostly a put-on. "Aw, man. Now I know it's real." Bruce chuckles. "I don't think one can call in 'love-sick.'" "I know, I know." Dick lets him go and sits up, swinging his legs out of bed. "Oh, there's my bathrobe." Bruce gets up and goes over to the closet. "That's a good start." Dick puts it on and stretches his shoulders. It feels good to be here in the sunshine, and to have it be just like any other day, but something is off. "Um." "Yes?" "Are we going steady, or something?" The question sounds completely stupid. "I mean, I know we can't let anybody know, but --" He runs his hand through his hair, but he's still going to need to shower before he goes to school, so he'd better hurry. "It's just last time I was on a job with the Titans, Speedy kind of kissed me, and -- um. And I'm not sure what to say if he thinks we're going to do it again." Bruce has one hand on a suit, in the closet, and he freezes there. He doesn't say anything for such a long time Dick starts counting to see how long it is. Forty-eight seconds later, he says, "It would be best if you didn't change your behavior at all as a result of -- this." "But --" Dick walks over and hugs him because he obviously needs something. "I can understand still flirting with girls, and stuff, because it might be complicated if people thought we were homosexual, but -- guys, too?" He shakes his head. "I can tell Speedy I realized I don't like guys like that." The thought of lying about it, especially when it's so completely not true, makes him queasy, but it's the easiest excuse. "Or, or that I found a girlfriend and I don't want to cheat on her." "We'll discuss it before your next rendezvous with the Titans," Bruce says, patting his shoulder. "I need to get dressed." "Hang on." Dick frowns at him even though Bruce keeps looking away from him. "The thing is, I get half of it, but -- if you kiss some other guy, I'm going to be really mad." Bruce pushes him away gently and pulls a shirt on. He looks perfectly calm, but that's not even it. He looks like he's already at the office and can't afford to have anybody guess he's Batman. "I wasn't planning on it. You, on the other hand --" Dick blushes. "I didn't even know I liked guys 'til last week, but I'm not dumb. He's a nice guy, but I love you." He touches Bruce's back. "You don't have to worry. It won't happen again." "It's not significant," Bruce says, but he's still all tense. "The heck it's not." Dick ducks under his arm so he can glare at Bruce where Bruce can see him. "If you want to kiss somebody else, then say so, but I'd rather have you than anybody." Bruce smiles faintly enough that it looks real. "That's very flattering. Are you sure you want to lie outright to your friend about this?" Dick shrugs. "I can make up a girl for an alibi a lot easier than I can stop wishing you'd just hug me again." "It would be good practice," Bruce says, and he relaxes just a little. "You still need to get dressed." Dick hugs him first. "And you're -- you're not going to kiss anybody else, either, right?" "I'm attending the charity ball on Thursday for victims of polio with Linda Battersea." Dick laughs and hugs him more tightly. "That doesn't count. Though -- I guess I'll go to as many of those silly things as you want me to, just so you don't have to pretend." Bruce kisses him lightly. "We'll plan for that." He lets Dick go. "I'll see you at breakfast." Dick smiles and heads for the door. "See you then." * Dick has his imaginary girlfriend all made up, right down to her favorite color -- yellow -- by the end of the day. He makes an effort to think about her while he heads to the next Teen Titans meeting, but nobody's talking about romance, so it feels kind of funny. Roy catches him alone in a hallway after, though. Dick holds up his hands before Roy can try anything. "I really can't anymore. I got a girlfriend this week." "Does she know you like guys, too?" Roy raises his eyebrows. "No!" Dick can feel himself blush at the thought. No girl would ever date him if she knew that. "Why would I tell her that?" "Then you don't have to tell her about this." Roy pushes his hands away and kisses him. It still feels as dizzy and sweet as it did the first time, and that just makes it worse. "I'm not going to lie to her," Dick says. Roy laughs. "You're already lying. What's a little more?" Dick backs off a couple of steps and tells himself not to be so excited. "It wouldn't be right." Roy stares at him. "Does she know you're Robin?" "It wouldn't be safe." Dick frowns. "Look, just don't, okay?" "You practically tackled me last time." Roy takes a step toward him like they're going to spar. "And this girl doesn't have any idea who you are, but I do. C'mon, Robin-o, it won't hurt anything." He can't possibly lie to Bruce about this, or not tell him. If he really did have a girlfriend, he's pretty sure he wouldn't be able to lie to her, either. "I really can't. I'm sorry." Roy scowls at him. "I don't get it." Dick spreads his hands. "I can only lie about so much stuff before I start feeling like a jerk." "Right." Roy nods and backs off. "Sure, whatever. I hope you and your girlfriend get married, because you'd better not call me when she dumps you." He turns on his heel. Dick catches him by the shoulder, not sure what to say, but -- "I'm sorry. It doesn't have anything to do with you." Roy shrugs him off. "Tell it to your girlfriend." He stomps away and Dick lets him go, wondering if he could have said anything different to make it easier. His girlfriend still doesn't exist, even though he knows exactly what shade of red her hair is, but he tells Bruce when he gets home. "I wish he wasn't so mad at me," Dick adds. Roy hadn't said anything to him after the discussion or argument or whatever it was. "Rejection is never comfortable." Bruce kisses him gently. "You did the right thing." "You're not mad?" Dick hugs him. "I -- it felt good when he kissed me. I'm sorry." Bruce sighs and hugs him back tightly. "Illegal drugs feel good, too, Dick, or people wouldn't use them." "I know, but --" Dick leans on him. "Does that mean you're not mad?" "You did what you said you would do. I have no reason to be upset." Bruce puts his arm around Dick's waist. "Most importantly, you're here." "Of course I am." Dick kisses him. "I'm not going anywhere." Bruce smiles. "I'm glad to hear it." * Dick is showered, changed, and ready to head back to Gotham when Roy stops him in the dressing room. It's been three months since Roy has said anything to him other than what they've had to say to get their job done, and Donna keeps asking if everything is okay. The easiest way out of that is to say, with his best concerned expression, that Dick doesn't know what's getting under Roy's skin so bad. He does know, though, and when Roy glares at him he knows it's not over yet. "So when's your girlfriend's birthday, Dickie?" "August," twenty-sixth, he doesn't add. It's not the birthday of the real girl he thinks of when he's talking about the imaginary one, and he remembers that every time he says it. "Not last week?" Roy leans against the doorframe and folds his arms. "'cause you said that's why you were late, last week." He's sure it's not what he said. "That was our. Our two-month anniversary." Roy rolls his eyes. "You haven't got a girl." It's really hard to glare at him for saying something perfectly true. "How would you know?" "First thing, you spend your Friday nights here most of the time." Roy shakes his head. "When we're not even out working, sometimes." He holds up two fingers. "Second, you don't get all moony-eyed. Ever. And third, you are still a goddamn fairy." He comes in and kicks the door shut. "Like me." "I'm not," Dick says, wrinkling his nose at the word. "And I don't think you are either." He sighs and goes for 'Robin knows everything' as an excuse. "Haven't you ever heard the word 'bisexual'?" It stops Roy and he makes a funny face. "Somebody who has sex on bicycles?" The mental image of trying to do anything like that on a bike makes Dick snort, and then Roy laughs at him. Listening to Roy laugh makes everything hurt less. "No, somebody who likes guys and girls." Dick shrugs, and Roy sobers up fast. "Like me. And you, I bet." Roy looks skeptical. "Right, I guess. Bisexual. Did you look it up?" "Kind of." Dick can't meet his eyes and lie, not now. He's been doing it too much, and doing it badly. It feels like wearing the kind of mask that makes him weaker instead of stronger. He can feel Roy staring at him, still. And Roy chokes. "You don't have a girl, you have a guy. You --" "No, I don't!" Dick turns away from him because he can't look at him and say something so totally not true. "I'm not dating anybody, Roy," because it's not dating to spend every night with somebody and sleep with them, not when you don't go to dinner and movies, or really do anything for fun. "Stop lying to me," Roy says, and he sounds like he's either going to punch Dick for real or cry. "I won't tell anybody, I promise. Just stop." Dick hunches his shoulders and doesn't look back at him. If Roy punches him, he'll deserve it anyway. "I can't." "I don't know why I even came to talk to you." Roy punches -- no, kicks the door or the wall, and it makes a horrible, empty thump. "You're not dating anybody at all, and you won't even tell me the truth." He blows out his breath in a huff. "Don't I even deserve that?" Dick has to look at him, to see if he broke his toe or what, and because if he doesn't turn, Roy will leave without him having done anything to maybe fix things. "I still want to be your friend." Roy lifts his chin. "Yeah? Prove it." "How?" Dick spreads his hands and figures out how to make a concession that won't hurt at all. "You don't think I have a girlfriend -- and, and you're right about that." "I knew it." Roy smiles. It's not a nice smile, but it's better than his scowl. "I won't rat you out, but you gotta work on your lying or everybody will figure out you're -- what was it, bisexual." "Thanks." Dick smiles back. "I know it's pretty weak, but I didn't want to tell the team -- that." Roy shakes his head. "Right, sure." He tilts his head to the side. "What else?" Dick blinks and remembers Roy does some detective work, too. "And nothing." He can't make himself hold Roy's gaze when he says it. Roy glares at him again. "You can't lie to me. What else? You don't have a girl." Dick winces. "I -- kind of have a guy." He sighs. It feels good to say, even though this is the only place he can admit it, and it will just make everything worse. "But I really can't talk about it." "And again I ask, 'Why not?'" Roy rolls his eyes. "I believe you, I guess. Not an imaginary guy because you just don't want to kiss me?" "I do want to kiss you," Dick blurts, and wants to kick himself for the way Roy's eyes light up. "I can't, though." Roy folds his arms. "Got any paper?" It doesn't make any sense as a question. "What?" "I'm gonna make a sign that says 'Why not?' and hold it up every time you say you can't do something until you for pete's sake explain one of them." Dick rakes his fingers through his hair. "I can't kiss you because I'm -- with somebody else." Roy nods. "That's -- right, okay, but when you break up --" He hadn't considered the possibility before, and the thought makes him nauseated. "I -- no, we -- we won't." "Dickie --" Roy's laughing and shaking his head so much he probably can't see how green Dick is getting around the gills. "People do, you know." Dick folds his arms to keep himself from doubling over. It would ruin everything in his life that's good except for the Titans if he fought with Bruce in ways they couldn't make up. "We won't. Ever." Roy stares at him. "So you're married to this kid. Jeez, is it Wally?" The question makes him laugh so hard he forgets how much he wants to puke. "Wally! Wally's not a fairy, Shafty." "Neither are you." Roy punches him in the arm, but he's snickering, too. "Maybe Wally's biii-sex-you-al." He draws it out to make Dick laugh harder. "Only if Green Arrow's a fairy." Dick giggles. Roy snorts. "Yeah, sure. Only if Batman is." Dick chokes and hiccoughs and tries to make himself keep laughing long enough for it to be plausible. "He's -- really not a fairy," he says, and wipes his eyes. "Neither's G.A." Roy shrugs. "So you can't kiss me because you're married. And you can't tell me who it is because why?" "I promised I wouldn't." Dick bites his thumbnail. "What if I guess?" Roy's grinning again. "You don't even have to say yes or no. Just -- nod." Dick frowns. "That's cheating." "Aren't you dying to tell somebody?" Roy thumps him in the shoulder. "You're crushing on him so bad you'll make up a girlfriend, but you can't tell anybody." He wrinkles his nose. "If I ever find a -- a boyfriend, I'm telling you first thing because nobody else would know how happy I was about it." Put like that, it's more persuasive than Dick wishes it was. "I still can't tell you." "Then I'll guess, and you make faces. You can tell me 'no' when I guess somebody it's not, sure?" Dick shrugs. "There are three billion people in the world and half of them are guys. Good luck." Roy peers at him and walks around him like it'll help him think. "Yeah, but you don't know them all. It's not Wally." Dick folds his arms. "No. You don't know everybody I know." "But if I didn't know him, you wouldn't care so much that you're not supposed to tell, because he would never find out that I know. So not somebody from your school, or something. And -- not Gillhead, is it?" "Nope." Dick shrugs. "I could just really want to keep my promise to him, you know." "You don't really want to keep your promise so much you wouldn't say if it was Johnny from your math class." Roy raises his eyebrow at Dick. "Or -- is it?" Dick smiles and tries to make his heart slow down a little. "No, it's not Johnny in my math class -- and here's one for free, it's not anybody in my math class." Roy nods like he already knew that. "'course it's not." "And --" Dick shrugs. "I don't make Donna put on pants or anything." Roy blinks a few times. "Maybe she would if we suggested it. For a case." "I --" Dick spends a moment thinking about this. "I think we need to come up with a reason." "Right. But it's not Donna." Dick nods. "Not Donna, in a skirt or in pants." Roy grins. "Which we've got to get her to wear. Anyway." He frowns. "Who else do I know that you know?" "That would be telling." "I --" Roy bites his lip. "That Beast Boy guy?" Dick tries really hard not to think about it. "He's green." "You wear green all the time." Roy holds up his hands at Dick's splutter. "Okay, not Beast Boy." "Not Beast Boy." Dick checks his watch. "Are you done yet?" Roy punches him in the arm. "Not 'til you 'fess up." "Keep guessing." Dick grins at him. Roy frowns and paces back and forth. "Who else do you know that I know? Not somebody we've taken down --" he glances at Dick, who's frowning at the thought. "Okay, not a bad guy. Somebody we've helped?" Dick shrugs. "Nobody we've ever saved." He covers his mouth, realizing he's making this too easy. "I'm not saying anything at all." Roy rocks back on his heels. "But I don't know anybody else you know." It's too easy to just keep smiling. "Mm." "Unless --" Roy frowns. "Unless it's not a kid." Dick does his absolute best to not make any face at all at that, but Roy's eyebrows go up anyway. "You --" Roy tilts his head to one side. "Huh. Well." He doesn't say anything for a little while and Dick says, "Well?" "It's not Green Lantern." Roy grins at Dick's frown. "And it's not the Flash." "I hardly even know the Flash," Dick protests. "That's my point. And it's not --" Roy laughs. "Aquaman?" Dick snorts. "No." "And you don't like green, so --" He covers his face, snickering. "No, no, no." "So not the Martian Manhunter, and not G. A." Dick snickers harder. "Eeew." Roy tousles his hair hard. "Stand up, I can't see your face." "Picky, picky." Dick straightens up. "Any more stupid questions?" Roy has his hands on his hips now. "I -- I don't think Superman --" Dick gets stuck on the thought. He's flown with Superman enough times to know how warm he is up close, and he always smiles at Dick, and -- Roy punches him hard this time. "You're going steady with Superman?" "Ow!" Dick shoves him away. "Don't say his name so loud, he'll hear you. And -- and no, I'm not." "But you kinda wish you were." Roy shakes his head. "He's real handsome, I'll give you that." Dick grins. Somehow it's easier to agree with this -- when he would never have said it out loud -- than to come up with a way to change the subject. "He has a really nice smile. And he's always gentle, which, well, you'd figure, Superman, he's really strong, but --" Roy grins at him. "You're sweet on Superman." "I am not." Dick crosses his arms. "I just think he's a great guy, and he's my friend." "I'm going to have to fight Superman for you, I can tell." Roy squeezes his hands together and flutters his eyes. "You're so big and strong and sweeeet." Dick swats him on the back of the head. "I don't think Superman likes guys, and besides, I'm not going to date you." "When you break up with whoever this guy is, I mean." Roy grins at him. He wants to grin back and pretend he was kidding when he said he wasn't breaking up with Bruce, but the thought still makes him too sick to fake being happy. "We won't break up." He frowns. "I said that." Roy blinks twice, then stares at him openmouthed for ten solid seconds. "You're making this up," he says. Dick frowns more deeply. "I'm not making this up, no." "Dick -- you can't date Batman." Roy shakes his head slowly. "Who said I was?" Dick says, but he can feel himself blushing. Roy points at him. "He'd make you stop dating anybody else to -- to keep your identity safe, or something, and he'd find out, you know he would. So the only person you wouldn't have to break up with -- okay, maybe apart from Superman but I really believe you're not dating him -- is -- Batman." He nods once like he's proud of himself, then frowns like he's going to cry. Dick bites his lip and doesn't look at Roy. If he says anything, he'll technically be breaking his promise, so he can't, and he can't stand to lie about it either. "You can't date Batman!" Roy yells. His face is all red. "That's -- you just can't!" "We're not dating." Dick takes a deep breath. "I promise." "No, no, I heard you." Roy covers his eyes with his hand. "You're not dating, you're engaged. You can't be engaged to Batman, either -- he's --" Roy waves his hands. "He's old, and he's --" Roy winces and puts on a very fake smile. "Come on, tell me you're kidding and really this is all a put-on so I won't try to kiss you anymore and I promise I won't even flirt with you. It's not funny." "It's not funny because I'm not kidding," Dick says. "But I don't know why you're so --" Roy throws his hands in the air. "Because he's -- he's Batman," is all he manages. Dick sighs and decides it's better to break his promise a little bit than to let Roy keep waving his hands around until he hurts himself. "I love him, and he loves me." Roy covers his face with both hands this time and looks at him through his fingers. "He's like your dad. He's -- really supposed to love you." The mental image of Bruce doesn't fit anywhere near Dick's memories of his father. "He's not like my dad at all. He's --" Dick smiles and shrugs. "He's my partner." Roy groans and covers his eyes again. "You're making moony eyes. Over Batman." "So what if I am?" He doesn't believe it, but he's not going to check in a mirror. "I can't even --" Roy shakes his head and looks at him again, putting his hands down. "You should dump him," he says, completely straight-faced, "and tell him you're running away with me. We could probably get in a good make-out session before he killed me." Dick glares at him. "Now you're just being silly." Roy smiles faintly. "I'm not kidding at all." "I have to get home," Dick says, and checks his watch again. Roy grabs his wrists when he does it and pins his hands at his sides. "You can come home with me. Really." Dick twists his hands free. "It's not funny, Speedy." "You can't -- you just can't date Batman." Roy kisses him hard, desperately, and it makes Dick really worry about him. Not enough that he doesn't frown at Roy, but -- "It's too bad I can't, because I am. And you can't do that." "Funny how I just did." Roy reaches for his shoulder and Dick backs away. "Please come home with me. Green Arrow's got space." Dick stares at him. "Even if I wasn't -- Batman would still need me. Gotham isn't the kind of place you want to patrol alone." He punches Roy in the arm and pulls it only about halfway. "I'm getting pretty tired of telling you I'm not going to kiss you." Roy holds up his hands in surrender. "Fine, I'm going. But whenever you need to, you come by, okay?" "I won't need to." Dick bites his lip. "Don't you get it? This isn't some fling -- it's not about, about kissing and stuff. It's more important than that." "Okay." Roy opens the door. "If you ever need to, though, you know where to find me." "I never will," Dick calls after him. He spends enough time getting his stuff together again that Roy isn't in the hallway or the garage when he's ready to leave. It takes the whole trip home for him to figure out how to tell Bruce Roy knows without explaining how much information Dick gave him, exactly. He just waits for Bruce to ask, "How was your evening?" when they're in Bruce's bedroom, and braces himself for how mad Bruce will get. "Roy still has a heck of a crush on me," he says, and it makes him blush to put it in those words. "Sometimes when I'm around him, I just --" he shrugs and looks at Bruce. "I don't know what to do about it." Bruce touches his cheek. "Would it be easier if you could kiss him?" Dick shakes his head and tries to work out the answer. "I don't want to," isn't entirely true, but it's good as a starting place. "I love you." He hugs Bruce. He means to explain how complicated it got, and that Roy kissed him twice and he didn't exactly not-kiss-back, and how the secret that he wasn't supposed to spill got spilt. He can't explain any of that when Bruce is kissing him, and after the first gasp he doesn't mind, either. It's a lot easier to just let it go for right now. He's still worrying about what's so bad about kissing Bruce that Roy yelled at him for it. It could just be jealousy, but it didn't seem like jealousy. "Do you have something on your mind?" Bruce asks him. "I guess I'm still trying to figure out what to do about Roy," Dick says, and bites his lip. "He knows me pretty well, and I don't want to have to tell him about us to keep him from worrying." It's close enough to the truth that he can say it just fine, but he feels a little twinge when he does it. He shouldn't start lying to Bruce, ever. Bruce kisses him again -- briefly, this time -- and smiles like he knows there's something wrong. "You know your friends. If you think it's appropriate to tell him --" he spreads his hands. "I may not agree, but I won't try to stop you." Dick shivers. It would be a lot easier if Bruce just said no and left it there. "He might figure it out on his own," he suggests. "Let him try." Bruce tucks his hand under Dick's shirt and rubs his back. "You can't stop that, either." "True." Dick kisses him and thinks of the thing he won't mention at all, even though it's a lead weight in his stomach. If tomorrow Bruce stops wanting to kiss him, will that mean he's fired? If tomorrow Dick doesn't want to be in his arms, will he have to find a new place to live? He kisses Bruce harder and tries to get dizzy with the feeling like he did before he thought it wouldn't always be that way. Today, he wants to, and Bruce wants to, so he's here and safe, and tomorrow they'll patrol like any other day. Bruce sighs against his mouth and says, "I missed you, too." Dick twines their fingers together and tries to imagine not wanting this. He can't see it at all, but he can imagine Bruce not wanting him easily enough. "Show me something new," he says, and Bruce smiles at him. "Lie back." He does it, trying to guess what will come next. Bruce's lips on his thigh, then on his dick were the third guess on the list, and it feels good enough that he stops worrying almost entirely. The litany of 'what if?' doesn't go away until Bruce is thick and hard on his tongue, and he knows he's doing everything he can to deserve what he has.
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